PIRATES VS NINJAS
It is clear that given a choice between being a ninja and a pirate, one should be a pirate. A surprising choice, I am aware, and it may be considered heretical. Yes, I am fully aware that in any fight, the ninja would win.... but is life about just fighting?I have compiled a list of things to compare these characters on
FIGHTING
NINJA
The ninjas role is one of precision, of years of training turning one into a machine designed to do one thing- killing. As a result their killings are swift and deadly.
PIRATE
A pirate is a haphazard fighter, but a stylish one, with some magnificent swordplay to their name.
Conclusion
The Ninja wins, but the pirate has more fun.
FASHION
NINJA
Black is pretty much it. You can wear a fancy coloured bandana, to display your "wacky" personality.
PIRATE
Excellent, you can look extremely stylish, with a jaunty hat, vital to anyone looking to impress the wenches.
Conclusion
The Pirate looks awesome. The Ninja is, at best, a guy with a comedy tie. Except it is wrapped round his forehead. At worst, he's a goth.
WEAPONS
NINJA
The Ninja does have a wide range of weapons to choose from- the shruiken, the knife, the sword, the nun-chucks. The main problem with most of these is that they are lame. Pity.
PIRATE
Less of a wide range, but what weapons he gets! The cutlass and the pistol are the standard combo, and a great one they are, enabling one to have an indiana jones moment that I think we all long to do. Additionally, the pirates get cannons. Freaking cannons.
Conclusion
The pirate is less versatile, but his weapons take far less precision to use... Pirate wins
TRAINING
NINJA
Takes a long long time, and you'll probably die during the process.
PIRATES
There are various methods. You could start out being a cabin boy, but you really don't want to be the Wesley Crusher of the seas. The best way is to join a crew after an exciting sea battle, then kill the captain in a brilliant mutiny.
Conclusion
Pirate's training involves less sitting round on rocks and pondering the nature of existence. That's just lame, ninjas!
TRANSPORTATION
NINJAS
They can run really fast....
PIRATES
Pirate ships
Conclusion
I think you can work out this one for yourself.
RELATIONSHIPS
NINJA
Solitary creatures, they shun the company of others, unless they are killing them, and that generally leads to very little conversation, other than the witty rejoinder said in the heat of batle.
PIRATES
As well as having a crew of well rounded social stereotypes, there will also be a fair bit of wenching done.
Conclusion
Well, if you don't like people, or women, then being a ninja is the life for you.
CAREER BONUSES
NINJA
The certainty that you can kill anyone you want to.
PIRATES
Wooden legs, eyepatches, talking parrots, treasure, occasional curses associated with said treasure, and scurvy.
Conclusion
Eyepatches are awesome enough that they win every argument. If more people had eyepatches, there would be no war. Because no-one would have depth perception.
CONCLUSION
The ninja is a deadly being, but being one is much less fun than it first appears. Pirates are awesome, and I didn't even mention the rum!
posted by Mr K @ 6:18 pm
3 Comments:
There's the added bonus of drinking and wenching, too. I'd certainly go with pirate. But I think we all knew that.
You make many good points, but anyone who's ever played the ninja game knows that ninjas can jump super fast and get gold, which is also really fun. Plus if you do die you'll most likely come back to life.
yeah being a ninja, means ur pretty much invunerable. Pirates die all the time, "yarr dont go to thar cursed place, 14000 ships of daredevil pirates haev been lost thar in the last week". hmmm but i do raise a good point in favour of pirates, without meaning to. If ur a pirate u can talk like a pirate.... and thats cooler than　german!!
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