Lies, Damn Lies

Abstinence

In the US, about a third of schools have a policy of abstinence. Uh, that doesn't mean that the schools don't have sex before marriage, because as far as I know a public building can't have sex (private buildings get some action though). No, as you probably know, and if you don't you should be shocked, its where they teach kids that the best way for them to be safe from STDs is to swear off sex before marriage. In these classes, they will not teach children about contraceptives, other than to repeat flawed statistics suggesting that other forms of contraceptive are useless.

Now, the principle reason given for this is the protection of children. The theory advanced is this will reduce teenage pregancies. I doubt this, of course. Several studies so far appear to show no difference before and after an abstinence policy. In a more controlled study, following some people (a large survey, I might add), they did have less partners, and on average had sex 18 months less than your average immoral kid, but it was discovered, 10 years or so down the line, that despite having much less partners, they had higher STD rates! The reason? Well they never got taught how to use contraception, see......

There is a compromise option, which encourages abstinence but teaches about contraception, but many people in the US appear to feel that it would send mixed messages. This is an opinion based on belief rather than attention to what studies show, of course, but what opinion isn't? Well, hopefully the one I'm about to give in a minute, but.... ok no it isn't going to be. But still, one has to be pragmatic about these things.

To be fair, it doesn't seem that sex education programs are very effective, certainly not in the UK. There are few studies that show sex education having a major effect either way, so we cannot really draw conclusions. I would say that we do teach it very badly in the UK at least. The method I was introduced to was essentially watching a couple of crap videos then seeing a condom being put on a cucumber, or some equally phallic object. A short discussion was made of the alternative forms, but the only reason I know so much about them is research and experience, all of which I did without the schools aid. I think that people are too embarrased to talk about it, and if the teachers were more frank: after all most HAVE had sex, and actually communicated to the students, rather than letting some video do that for them, then it might have an effect. One of the oddest parts of sex education is that there seems to be no mention of whats good about sex. I suppose its assumed to be known, but the implication of many of these awful videos is that theres nothing good about sex. Its one of the reasons I think drug education is terrible. People do drugs for a reason, and to write "peer pressure" and underline it means nothing. This is a far more reasoned explanation for the reasons to not smoke, and the reasons WHY people smoke, and I think i'd be more effective than campaigns obviously done by people who have never smoked.

Basically, I don't think fear is a very effective tactic. I think getting all those women who hated their first time and wished they'd waited to come and talk, then you might have some effect, if only to embarrass guys into actually trying to please their lady, would be far better. Is the principle notion of adolescence a feeling of invincibility? Macho cool, denying fear and laughing in its face?


The big thing I dislike about abstinence as opposed to our currently shite system, is the imposition of a belief. For me, the greatest thing about our schooling system right now, is that moral views are not imposed. I mean, other than discouraging racism, and obvious stuff like that, the big issues are usually left open. But abstinence is the promotion of an attitude about sex. Its not just about protecting our children (I dunno why I say "our"- I am 19 after all) from the dangers of teenage pregnancy and STD's, its about getting them to believe that somehow, waiting until marriage for sex is somehow "better." I don't think this is true. I personally would prefer to have sex within a committed relationship, if only because that is a more comfortable environment for me to make an utter fool out of myself sexually. But I do think some people can enjoy casual sex. I know people who do, and as long as both partners know whats happening, and are careful, whats the harm in that? Telling children that that is wrong is not something schools should be doing. They should point out that it can be dangerous, and harmful, but in the end a school is not a place to tell you waht to do (or it shouldn't be). Its a place to advise you.

Finally, of course, abstinence programs do not actually say only sex within a commited relationship. They actually call for no sex before marriage. Why? Whats so special about marriage? I don't get it. Do some pieces of paper prove that you are more comitted than the couple dating two years? You can marry within days of meeting each other after all. I don't get how marriage is a special point. After all, most marriages do not last forever- divorce statistics are always rising, and the break ups are not always clean. The only real way I can see it being supportable to tell kids that the only time they should have sex is during marriage is if you believe it religously. And that should not be in schools. I dunno, I thought seperation of state and church were enshrined in the American constitution, but hey, what do I know, I'm just some crazy brit with an institutional religon. Shouldn't WE be the fanatics?

Finally, I'd like to say I'm not condoning a way of life here. I mean, I think waiting for a commited relationship is a healthier way of going about things, and its entirely possible that one day I will end up married, although probably with a partner I have had sex with first. You are free to live your life the way you choose it, and I respect that. Just don't start telling kids to do it in school. Give them the facts, the reasons for the way of life, then let them choose. They might be smarter than you think.

posted by Mr K @ 7:00 pm