Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Rules for the cinema

1-Turn off your phone. Unless you have a relative on the verge of death/are a doctor who might be paged/something equally urgent you have no excuse for leaving it on. The cinema will remind you more than once. The film will last a maximum of 4 hours. You were capable of being incommunicado BEFORE mobile phones. You can manage it now.

2-If you must buy food, please try and eat it early. And for christ sake, don't eat it during the quiet bits.

3-Sit where your ticket tells you to sit unless the cinema is empty.

4-If you have a choice as to where to sit.... don't sit right in front, or next, or behind strangers. That's rude and weird.

5-If you're going to watch the credits, please let the people who want to go to the toilets out of the bloody cinema

6-Kicking the seat in front is never appreciated, and may result in the loss of said appendage

7-Arrive on time for the film. It's really not that hard.

8-most important of all SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Seriously now. I went to see King Kong yesterday. It is a good film- at least, as far as I could tell. Unfortunately I went to a 3 o'clock showing in the multiplex (vue). There was a group of about 14 10-14 year olds situated around the cinema who DID NOT STOP TALKING. Normally you expect them to stop momentarily, but these children did not. It got so bad that the heavily pregnant woman in front of us first called in staff to expel them, then, after they insulted her, she went INSANE and started to threatening to "have them". Possibly not the most productive of attitudes to be fully honest, but then she WAS heavily pregnant after all. Still, you'd think after she and several irritating gits left people would stop talking, but no. For the rest of the film as long as the manager left the room muttering kept continuing.

If you are not enjoying the movie you are free to leave. People have paid to watch the film, not listen to your private conversation. Also, are you incapable of whispering? Believe me, you are not as interesting as you think you are.



At 1:09 am, Anonymous Hilarious Catastrophes said...

Ah, remember the days when we were the age of the kids in the cinema, young hooligans, or just plain arsey toward any form of authority, suddenly feeling old enough to swear in any situation because it meant being big and grown up. the ones who we thought were so cool and powerful, and who had the ability to make us feel like social retards. Those were the bain of my existence, for i was quiet, and weak, and nerdy! Anyone, feel free to express empathy! (i must add a am not severely mentally scarred by my youth! just pissed off at the state of teenage anarchism.... thats right folks, they're so cool they can attack people with offensive words! wow!)

Adieu dear folk!

At 1:26 am, Blogger Kirbie said...

Hehe ye tossers. It's kinda strange that I guess I didn't fit into either of those groups at school. I was never particularly athletic, but also never desired to be so did not feel really impressed by those who could win every race. I always felt that if you can't be first there's no point trying. But I also never really got bullied or bullied anyone - apart from Paul thinks I used to pick on Mat, but it was mutual and I was never that mean only annoying. Everyone loves a good argument now and then!
Anyway I think it was due to the fact that i'm pretty stubborn and no matter how much pain people would try to apply I would simply ignore them and refuse to submit so they got pretty bored and left me alone.
As for authority - I used to pretty much respect it, but only really on the surface. If I didn't agree with them I wouldn't tow the line, but I was always fairly polite.

That was pretty much entirely off-topic, but a short insight into my childhood. How revealing!


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