Swimming
I have been swimming pretty much ever weekday since I returned from Majorca, which has made me feel rather vituous, although I am not certain if it is having any major effect upon myself, my usual outlook being one of very little patience.Anyways, I have encountered several characters upon my daily swim, as I go round and round the slow lane. These are
Captain Slow Captain Slow does, indeed, swim in the slow lane, as do I. However, it appears that during his life, of which there have undoubtedly been a few years so far, he has not seemed to have mastered the art of swimming, prefering a sort of flailing impression of the actual strokes. I've never actually seen people go faster doing backstroke than breaststroke but he manages it. It's the slow lane, so I guess this is ok, but man does this guy go slow. I end up overtaking him at least every four lengths, sometimes much sooner. On the early occasions when I have tried to slow to match his pace, I have ended up practically walking in the water, leading me to conclude that he actually has no muscles, and is instead given a push by someone and carries on by momentum.
The Evil Lady My hatred of the evil lady stems from one incident, as my irrational hatreds often do. Once, while getting into the pool, I was lowering myself in, quite near her, and upon experiencing the cool water, exhaled. Hearing this, she gave me a look of shock, with a hint of disgust thrown in for good measure. I smiled confusedly at her, and ventured a hesitant, "Sorry", which only seemed to annoy her more, her look developing into a glance of scorn. I retreated, knowing I had faced evil that day, and, indeed, would be swimming for half an hour quite near her.
The crotchmaster The crotchmaster is usually mostly inoffensive, apart from when he moves to overtake me. He swims faster than I do, so this happens with reasonable frequency. The problem is, is not only does he swim on his back while doing breaststroke kicks, he also wears speedos. Combined with me spending a lot of my swimming time underwater, this gives me a ten second close up view of his crotch.
people in the wrong goddamn lane I always swim in the slow lane, and it is always very annoying if someone is doing front crawl at a ridiculous pace in the slow lane, as in front crawl most people have a tendency not to see where they are going, and thus crash into people going slower than them. Almost as annoying are those who go in the fast lane and manage to swim at about the same pace as I do, so I end up swimming along side them for a length, finally speeding up to overtake them, ridiculous as that notion is.
Splashy people For god sake, keep your arms and your legs underwater. It's just polite!
posted by Mr K @ 5:08 pm
4 Comments:
Ah the pool. The place of dreams... I favour the "anything goes section of the pool as it is generally taken up by people who want to swim at their own pace, like me. I am however very annoyed by splashy people... I have a habit of breathing in just as the wake of an over zealous swimmer hurtles towards my face. Many frightening moments are to be had at the swimming pool, and I'm still baffled why people pay for the pool and then sit around on the side without swimming...
I myself am incapable of swimming without splashing. I just cannot do it.
which anonymous person was that? I'm confused! Is it Toby? :o)
most likely, most likely. I think the evil ladies are fantastic! I've seen so many of them that now I just dont care. So when I do happen upon one, I think of every little thing i can do to annoy her that little bit more.... muahaha
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