fixing twilight[this is a post I wrote absolutely ages ago, but never got round to posting]
Inspired by this I decided to try re-writing Twilight. So my main issue with Twilight is the lack of conflict, and the lack of agency on Bella's part.
The film opens as before, with Bella moving to a part of the country she's never been to before, a dead end town, with an uncommunicative dad. Her conversations with her Dad are stilted and awkward, and she finds herself bored and lonely sitting in her room while her dad watches the game.
She goes to school and finds most of the kids agressive to the new. She has a quick wit and an acid tongue, and while she finds that most of the kids hate her she makes a couple of friends with the dweebier kids. The biggest bullies in the school are the Cullens ('cause vampires always rule the roost), and during one exchange where she makes several vampires wither from sarcasm she sees Edward being noticably amused.
Edward, while a member of the bullying clique, is obviously less enthusiastic about it, and soon seeks out Bella alone. He tells her that he's tired of his siblings attitude, the way they look down on the others, and really admires her. Bella is initially wary, but agrees to go on a date with Edward.
The date goes well, although there are strange incongrituities (he's reluctant to go for food, for example), but then they bump into several of the Cullens. They look actively mad that Edward is with Bella, and make pointed comments. Bella asks whats its about, but he demurs.
The date continues, and goes so well that they end up kissing, at which point Edward loses control, and attacks her. She knocks him back, and runs off scared.
Bella goes away and puts together evidence on whats happened (potentially a nudge from Jacob might help here), and realises what he is. Along the way she also reads that vamps have a sensitivity to loud sounds. She confronts Edward, and a scene somewhat similar to the one in the woods occured, although less stupid. Edward tells her that he is a monster, and shows his strength. He explains that he and the other cullens are not really related, but are vampires who have chosen not to drink human blood. None the less, most of them consider themselves superior to humans. Edward is the only one who thinks of it as a curse- most of the other vampires decided to stop drinking human blood for safety's sake, and still take enjoyment in petty cruelty. He says that despite his attitude, he finds it hard to control himself with her. She tells him she doesn't care, and kisses him. When he is about to lose it (lets say fangs come out), she backs off, gives him a second, and he retains control.
So they go into school hand in hand, as in the film, and this causes a social tidal wave- most of the kids suddenly start treating Bella better, although her friends are a little distant from her, thinking they've lost her. One of the Cullens, lets call her evil Cullen, shows active hostility towards Bella, although some of the others are slightly more sympathetic.
We then have crisis scene, where Bella is on her way home with Edward when evil Cullen appears with a couple of lackeys. She threatens Bella, who responds that they won't attack her, because they don't want trouble with the police- after all, she's the daughter of the police chief. They respond that they won't attack HER, then make off with Edward.
She tries to pursue, but can't keep up with the super fast vampires. She goes home and has mandatory pep talk from her dad, which is also a chance for them to be emotionally reunited. Realising she knows just where the Cullens would go (some snippet of conversation earlier in the film), she pursues them.
Bella appears, finds Edward abandoned on the floor beaten and bloodied. From nowhere the Cullens appear and surround her, saying that they are in the middle of nowhere and the police will never find out what happened. Bella pulls out of her pocket a rape alarm/fog horn and blares away. The vampires stagger back, but are mostly unaffected, and laugh, saying that that is just a stupid story, and move forward to attack. Bella smiles, and says "yeah, well theres one other purpose of producing a loud, wailing noise" at which point the entire police department bursts through the doors. Most of the cullens get away, apart from evil cullen who manages to escape, and promises revenge.
Bella and Edward exhange romantic sweet nothings, with hints of worry for the future. Roll credits.
My main goal while writing this was
a-introduce far more conflict into a slow and turgid film
b-make Bella a far more active character